Friday, March 27, 2015

Thoughts During the Idle Hours

Friday, March 27, 2015

As much as I loathe some posts on Facebook, there are other posts that can actually bring me to sudden realizations. Those statuses and photos just taught me how the internet is a one big mask of lies. Pretensions are everywhere. You can be anything or anyone you are not. You can be a total opposite of whoever or whatever you are in real life. And sadly, I know some people who take things too far, those who are pretending to be happy even if they are not.

I admit, my life looks better on the internet. Nobody knows on Facebook about my mess unless they come here to my blog. But then again, my blog posts cannot compare to the real mess I'm in either. I am still careful with what I share. I still try to make myself look good online by choosing to post what I want others to see.

And I know I am just one of the billion social media users who does that. People choose to post the best of what they have, usually coming with hashtags like #happy #perfectday #blessed and so on; while we, the onlookers of a seemingly perfect life are oblivious of the - who knows - ugly reality behind each post. Like how a perfectly filtered instagram photo looks totally better, not to mention, different from the original one. I also admit that it only takes one photo from any of my friends' humble bragging about his/her awesome life to make me feel like a loser. And I hate that sometimes it gets under my skin. Jealousy, maybe? I don't know.

But on the other hand, I know some might get offended with what I will say, but I will say it anyway. Sometimes I think people who love to share their "charmed" lives on social media have self-esteem issues. I mean, it's no wonder why people post their best selves/lives too much because they want social affirmation - that feeling of wanted to be liked. I always get this feeling that whoever posts over the top about their gloriously delightful lives or sugary posts about their relationships feels exactly the opposite. But I could be wrong.

I certainly am not anti-facebook nor anti-instagram, nor anti-internet for that matter. But I do believe that we need to snap back to reality. Step back down a little sometimes. Seeing other people's post-worthy moments will only yield envy for we see a pretty version of someone else's life compared to the one we are living right now. And it only highlights what we lack in our lives. Pretty much, it magnifies our discontentment. That's the stinging truth about it.

Either way, whether you are the one posting or the one viewing, insecurity dangles at the side. This is why I always remind myself that life is not as perfect as it seemed to be online. That I should not base my own self worth upon what I see on others.

Damn. I just remembered I've been complaining about the negative posts I see on social media, and now this - a perfect life could have been considered a positive post - and I still find myself complaining. Well, this could only mean one thing: one cannot really please everybody with whatever is shared, good or bad.

With that just said, I realized that while I am pointing the blame with my index finger directly at social media for these blatant display of seemingly perfect lives that promotes envy, three fingers are also pointing right at me. Yes, the problem is with me. All these insecurities and annoyance I feel towards the people about what they post on social media have something to do with me. I am responsible for my own reactions. Blaming social media is not helpful and so does blaming and judging others for expressing what their life is like through the lens.

Mulling over my thoughts while I am idle during my work hours brought me to a lot of realizations. I started writing this blog towards the direction of speaking against people who seem to be living under glitter even when they're not. But then it turns out that I was just wrong, selfish, and perhaps bitter after all. And it took me a few paragraphs to realize that. If there's one thing I have learned while writing this, it is the thought that the internet is what you make it, not the posts that others shared. So yes, seize the day.

Blogger Tricks

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Happy birthday, lab!

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Happy 30th birthday to my best friend, my confidant, my mentor, my challenger, my bully, my biking buddy, my travel mate, my panda bear, my pillow, and of course, my inspiration. You have always been my rock. And even though I don't really like relying on other people, I seem to rely on you so much. Yes, you are spoiling me, so thank you. Haha.

Aside from the 100-peso ukay-ukay jacket that I inadvertently got for your birthday which is really not very useful for every day use, and since I got nothing else better to give, here's just a simple post to let you know that I am indeed very thankful for all the things you do. :)

Thank you lab for being there for me, not because you have to but because you want to.

Thank you for your messages that fire up my lazy mornings.

And when you kiss me before we part ways, thank you for I go home with my heart smiling.

Thanks for being a shoulder to cry on during the lowest point of my life.

Thanks for teaching me a new sport, I never thought I would love pingpong as much as I love badminton. I just wish we would have the chance to play again.

Thanks for turning into a sponge whenever I vent out my anger and frustrations about those big or little sh*ts in life. You're the best shock absorber ever as I get through it all smoothly and smiling.

Thanks for always reminding me to keep a healthy lifestyle because we both want to grow old together.

Thanks for being the reason behind my widest and giddiest smile.

Thanks for teaching me how to handle heated arguments. For teaching me how to be humble and take down my pride. You sir, are making me a better person.

Thanks for always challenging my mind. Our conversations about logic, the universe, quantum mechanics and all that shit people do not really like to talk about always perk me up even though at some point I don't actually get what you're saying. Physics in general, for example. Haha.

And more than that, thanks for our intimate conversations. You are the only person I have talked to for six hours or more. And it did not only happen once. Would you believe that?!

Thanks for keeping up with me. For being with me in my craziest adventures.

Thanks for being my inspiration and motivation to do the things I have always loved to do.

You are the only one who can bring out the girl in me. I'm not used to it, and it's not cute. But thanks, anyway. Haha.

And above all, thanks for being you. Thanks for being the love of my life. For loving me despite my flaws and my kakulitan. Yes, I will be the nuisance of your existence - constantly biting you, squeezing your flab, and stealing kisses endlessly until it gets so annoying. Because I know that no matter how I get so annoying, you will still be there. Haha.

Thank you lab, and happy happy birthday!

I pray for your good health, success, and of course, happiness. And do you think it would be too much to ask if I also ask God if you can spend all of your incoming birthdays with me? Here's for your 30th. I love you, Jan!
Syet. Ka-korni. Pero sige lang. :P 

Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Art of Apathy: Will I Ever Learn It?

Sunday, March 15, 2015

How I wish I can.

Just when you feel that everything around is trying to crush your spirit and put you down, you will realize that people who suck the life out of you actually exist. Sometimes it makes me wonder how people can actually take advantage of your kindness just to get what they want and feel no remorse about it.

But then if you have to think about it real hard, such people are, unfortunately, part of your learning and growing up. They allow you to see the nuances of human personalities and it helps you screen people out of your life.

Screening people, however, can be a painful process. Because vulnerability is an essential part of this. You have to be vulnerable to people and allow them to throw whatever they can throw at you if you wish to see the ones who are worth keeping.

Being vulnerable puts you in situations you wish you will never be. And right now, I am in a vulnerable state - sandwiched between doing the right thing and doing the good thing. They're almost the same but have drastically different end results. There's a very subtle line between the two and how I wish I didn't have to learn to see it the hard way. It's hard to keep everything in perfect balance. It's like finding yourself one leg on air, the other on a tightrope.

This is the point when I feel that my choices are not reasonable enough that I have allowed people to dictate my life. I just want to see to it that everybody is happy with my decisions even if it means a part of me gets crushed. But going back to what I said earlier, that's when the picture of people taking advantage of your kindness (or weakness) comes in. They tend to abuse it and they feel they can do anything as they please. And I cannot deny that I am foolish enough to know this but still allow them to do it.

I hate it when I get trapped in situations like this and I know there's no one to blame but me. I feel consumed by pain and regret. Why do they always have to come together? It felt like a stake being driven straight to my heart. I would have easily dodged it, if I chose to. But I guess, I have just let myself be vulnerable this time. What I didn't anticipate is the fatality of the blow that I found myself bathing in my own blood. A mistake I can never undo.

I will just think of this as part of my existence. Whatever I am going through can make me bolder. I am glad I am still holding up. And I am glad that despite how much I abhor the flip side of the society, there are people who are there to catch you before you trip hard and fall onto the ground. There are people who know you and remind who you really are. There are people who will never leave your side and listen to you whine, no matter how shallow or deep the issue is. And I think that's what fuels me in this journey.

I know a lot of you are wondering what the hell I am talking about. Shit just happened and I just wanted to let it all out. So if my thoughts came out confusing, pardon me if I wasted your time for this. But anyway, right now I pray for more patience. Because I just might beat someone to death if I ask for more strength. Haha. Kidding.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I fell in love with dancing... again.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

This post is a little late because it took me a while to gather up all the resources that I needed for this entry. Pictures, yes. See? That's how bad of a blogger I am. I am too lazy to take pictures of events that I should be blogging about. More so, post-processing and beautifying those pictures with filters and words to make it look more enticing. I wish I have the diligence to do so, especially that I am a graphics designer (sigh). Anyway, enough of the drama, I've got more interesting stories to share than mope about why I fail at such.

Last March 3 2015, I was invited to join a HipHop Fitness Soiree brought to you by My Skin Origins and The Greene Dare. Without second thoughts I scampered around my room and prepared my outfit for the event all the while thinking (and sometimes performing) a few hiphop moves. Surprisingly, I still know how to pop. It's not a big event but yes, I was so excited like I am going to a grand alumni homecoming, except I won't be reuniting with old friends.

Just so you know, it has been a very long time since the last time I danced in public. Eight years, if my memory serves me right. That doesn't include those times I danced at the malls though, (happened only twice) when Kinect was a new fad at that time and I've got a fair few audience smiling, perhaps because of amusement or mockery as I flail my arms and wiggle my hips - which really didn't matter if I looked like a skinny waddling penguin because I enjoyed it very much. Eight freakin years is a pretty long time. I thought I have lost in touch with my skills and those moves that I am capable of doing. I am as rusty as my bike chain that needs to be lubed.

This HipHop Soiree last Thursday (Mar 5) isn't close to the kind of dancing that I am used to. I sit back, close my eyes and let my mind drift away. I see myself anxiously waiting at the backstage, hair done, make-up on, pacing. Everything goes dark, I move to my place, then a spotlight turns on. I see nothing but the blinding light yet I know hundreds of eyes are watching. I hold my head up in confidence. I breathe in. The music starts, my feet begin to move, and the world disappears.

But it didn't happen the way I am imagining it right now. No limelight, no audience, no screams, no glory. However, it's the closest thing to have my body that's starting to rust out move to the rhythm again. And I am so glad I was there.
Photo by Ms. Ria Jose 
I admit, I am no longer as snappy and frisky as I used to be. But there was music and my body was swaying to it. Music flowed through my veins, to my heart, then into my soul. It was so overwhelming, I was about to burst. Figuratively and literally - as evidenced by increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and flushed face. It was chaotic yet I sensed peace at the same time. And the feeling doesn't get any better than that.

This HipHop Soiree can just be any other fitness event that can happen anytime (just the same as those zumba parties that happen everywhere). But for me, in one way or another, it simply made an impact in my life. I thank all of the people behind this event for they have not only helped, motivated, and inspired others to be fit, but they made me fall in love with dancing... again. I thank them for reminding me that a skill or a talent, even when no longer nurtured, almost neglected, cannot be unlearned. That there will always hope to learn and be good at it again. All it takes is just a spark to get the fire going. And this event reignited the flame of a passion I once had. There's nothing else I would wish for but to see myself hit the dance floor again.
via MySkinOrigins

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Straight is out. Curl is in. Again.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

So I decided to get a digital perm. Why? Wala lang. Just for the hell of it. Haha. I haven't really pondered on it. A rash decision as a matter of fact, but not as impulsive as I was before.  I thought that hair looked good. Turns out, it was a disaster. Perhaps it is with the way I carried myself that it never crossed my mind that it was bad until I have these really beautiful curls right now (at least, that's what I think). I have gone through a hair catastrophe and not even a single second have I agonized about it. Which is a good thing. Haha.

Anyway, I took a snapshot of myself before I bade goodbye to my straight hair then whispered a little prayer to the patron saint of hair hoping this time perming won't be a disaster.
I spent a roughly three butt-numbing hours to get this done. I have never been inside a salon this long. Three effin hours is too long especially for someone who goes to the salon just to get the hair trimmed and that was it. What would I do without the free wi-fi? I was spared from getting killed by boredom. And thanks to my heaven-sent boyfriend for saving me from starvation. Before you cast that glare on me, I didn't make Jan wait that long, okay? So chill.

Anyway, while I was at the salon, I've been watching women come and go, noticing how different they look the moment they walk out the door. I just realized girls just can't be happy, can we? Well, I know there's a fine line between necessity and vanity. This, for me, is just a simple yet expensive case of vanity. I don't like that I spent a hefty amount of money for this but I am absolutely loving every freakin kink and curl on it... I can't complain. Woot! :)
digital perm
After I came home from the salon. :)
So the only challenge I have right now is how to keep these curls look like it's fresh from the salon (if that is even possible). Haha. Wish me luck! ;)

For those who are asking where I got my hair done, it's at Hairs & Nails Salon (at Citi Tri), C.M. Recto St., near Ateneo.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Allowing Your Kids to Choose What They Wear

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

I know I have already expressed my standpoint regarding talking in public, by public, I mean the internet, about my son. But since I know I will be making a point here, I think it wouldn't hurt if I share a little bit about him. Pictures are, of course, limited even though he's got hundreds of ootd posts that are really worth sharing.

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I am no fashionista. But my son was. Or at least, that's what I made him become. I dressed him in any way I wanted him to without having to hear those solid "NOs" from him; well, he was only a baby after all. Before #ootd posts became mainstream, I got one stylish little man right here.
On Rhett: Cherokee Rock Tee. Converse Chuck Taylor Psychedelic Shoes.
Gingersnaps shirt. Zara pants. Nike t90 shoes.
Ralph Lauren tee. Adio skate shoes.
Yes, he was dressed beyond his years. In fact, he was even featured on minihipster because he's got style. Or should I say, his mommy's got style. Haha. Perhaps, I was just regressing - trying to make up what I was not and what will not be. He's my perfect subject for that matter. Or maybe, motherhood just caught me off guard. That instinct of only wanting the best (and cute) for your child comes naturally. Well, I would like to believe it was both.

As much as I still want to dress him up, Rhett is now five and is starting to practice independence by refusing to wear what I want him to wear and deciding on his own. Most of the time, he insists on wearing his favorite Captain America costume just everywhere, even at the malls. But who am I to say no? He has strong opinions about his own preferences. And I think it's a pretty good thing because it allows him to express himself and it fosters style and creativity - even though it looks silly sometimes. But hey, toddlers, even when wearing mismatched clothes and ridiculous costumes, look cute anyway.
Just one of those days. :)
Allowing our children's individuality to outweigh our personal preference, shows our respect and trust to their little decisions (a big thing for them), which is a starting factor in building that self-esteem. But we also have to understand when to draw the line. There is a limit, of course, on how much we allow them. As parents, we know better what is appropriate and what is not. We are here to guide them make reasonable choices without taking the little autonomy they have. If your child starts being vocal about what to wear, don't fret, it only means that he/she's growing up. :)
Why do kids have to grow up so fast? :(

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Run For Your Life

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Meet my nemesis. The stairs. Unfortunately, I had to endure what seemed to be a grueling task just to be able to take a rest, with every step causing me to grunt and groan. Yes, the muscles at my lower extremities are pretty sore, I could really use a very relaxing massage right now.

But I am not complaining. As my fingers are typing the very words you see at the moment, I try to numb down the soreness with these medicated pain relief patches that I plastered all over my thighs and legs. Doesn't really take away the pain but it's better than nothing. I have been walking around the house, giving off waves of peppermint and I think it smells pretty good. Haha.

You see, I barely survived my 5K run early this morning, which is apparently the reason why I hate going up and down the stairs today. No matter, I had fun.

I didn't really expect a lot from myself though. Heck, I didn't even expect anything at all. I didn't have breakfast, I only slept for three hours, never warmed up, and worst, I didn't do some stretching before the gun fired. And yes, I can come up with a thousand lame excuses more. But really, I barely survived and failed to beat my own record from the last run because I am no longer fit. I am in terrible condition, to say the least. I no longer have the same stamina that I used to have. (gawd how I miss being an athlete where 5k marathons were just mere practices!)
  
Of course, groufies (or what do you call it?) are imperative.
Anyway, I don't have much to share about what happened during the run, unless you want to know how much I perspired and panted, and how we goofed around imitating how characters in the Anime run (picture this: Konoha ninjas. Hahaha).

Although I would like to share how proud I am of my friends for beating their records - 20 minutes earlier than their previous run (35 minutes run time. Good job guys!). And of course, I am so proud of the boyfriend, Jan. It's his first run and he fared better than me. Now that I have mentioned it, I am wondering how much would he allow me to influence his life? I've been dragging him to activities he's never done before. Haha. But he does the same to me. So, I think we're fine with how things are going. ;)
Our first run together!
What happened after the run was quite interesting. We got a lot of freebies (yay!). And best of all, we had the chance to have our body composition measured. My results were not surprising though. Muscle mass, body fat, and visceral fat are normal; metabolic age is 19 (double yay!); and not reaching my ideal body weight is something that didn't really surprise me. I was told I have a very fast metabolism I have to eat more snacks. Haha. You see, no matter how much food I shove down my throat, I still find myself having trouble gaining weight. So I guess, I have to go back eating just fries, burgers, hotdogs  and softdrinks coupled with physical inactivity - that time when my weight darted from 47 kgs (103 lbs) to 50kgs (110 lbs) in just a week. Haha. Kidding.
Glenda, getting her body components measured.
Well, this is my fuel currently:
That should be 5k by the way.
Mistaken to be a young runner (hint: in 3 months I will be turning 30). This isn't really new to me. I've been told a lot of times I look younger than my age, and it doesn't get any more flattering than that. Exercise does make you young and happy. So yeah, I am running for my life. I will be running for a long, healthy, and well-lived life. :)